you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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