GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize