Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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