Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
that is very illegal...i love you.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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