Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
