The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize