It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
