I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize