I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
