Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
