You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
