Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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