Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
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