Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
