I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
