Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
