My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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