sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize