I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Too much gin, very little bucket
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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