i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
how drunk are you?
Several
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
