they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
it's great music for shaving your balls
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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