We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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