I am puke
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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