If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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