I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
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