Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
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