I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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