Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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