OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
