Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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