i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
