Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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