So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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