i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Randomize
