i just wanna soil my oats bro
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
