so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
