Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
