So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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