I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
