He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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