im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
