the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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