Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize