All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
