nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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