I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
