I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
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