I skipped work to stalk him.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Life is so much better after having sex.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
