his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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