He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
