I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
