I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
