I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
