it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
