Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
