We tried having a conversation with our noses.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
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