Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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