so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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