I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
