Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
