Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
