I just made out with a guy for $7.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Randomize