All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
