First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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