there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
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