This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
