Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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