She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Randomize