were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
