the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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