I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
