Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
