I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize