I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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