planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Randomize
